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Expert Reviewed By - Toddler separation anxiety at night is a common parenting issue but it’s not an easy hurdle to overcome. To help your toddler feel confident to sleep alone and reclaim your child-free evenings, here’s everything you need to know about your toddler’s anxiety triggers, and how to help them overcome their nighttime fears.
Table of Contents
Key Takeaways
- Separation anxiety at night can be triggered by new fears and changes in routine like moving houses, starting daycare, or the arrival of a sibling. Look out for signs like crying, clinginess, and tantrums.
- To alleviate nighttime worries, create a consistent, calming bedtime routine. A bath, stories, cuddles, and reassurance can help your toddler feel secure. Provide comfort items like stuffed animals and blankets.
- Gradually build up your toddler’s independence by spending brief periods apart during the day. Have trusted family members spend time with your little one away from you and read books about common worries and toddler fears.
What Triggers Toddler Separation Anxiety At Night?
The truth is that separation anxiety in toddlers can be triggered by a wide variety of things.
And once your toddler becomes anxious about something in their life, it will disrupt their bedtime routine and make them scared to leave you at night.
Here are the most common reasons why your toddler may be suddenly getting anxious at night:
- Moving house. Toddlers thrive on routine and things happening in the same way every day. So moving house can easily be a trigger for separation anxiety especially at bedtime and in the night.
- Starting daycare or kindergarten. Getting used to going to daycare and kindergarten every day and having to spend prolonged periods away from you can also trigger separation anxiety.
- Moving from a crib to a big bed. Moving to a toddler bed is a big change in your toddler’s life and can often make them anxious at bedtime. Especially as your toddler is learning to fall asleep quickly in their new sleep space without getting out of bed to find you.
- Parent going back to work. If and when you return to work your little one will naturally experience a huge change in their daily routine. This can make them more anxious when you leave them at night. This desire to be with you can also result in toddler stalling behaviors too.
- Change in caregiver. If your little one has a change in daily caregiver this can also make them more clingy towards you especially when you say good night or when they wake in the night.
- Going on holiday. As wonderful as holidays are they can easily disrupt your little one’s routine, trigger sleep regressions, and cause increased separation anxiety in your little one.
- Developing imagination. As your toddler grows they will start to develop a vivid imagination that can develop into a fear of the dark and or imagining monsters under the bed. This of course will make them very anxious when you leave them at night.
- The arrival of a new sibling. If your little one is feeling put out about the arrival of a new baby they may become more clingy at bedtime and at night especially if they think the baby is getting attention at these times. To help your toddler adjust to a new baby sibling, watch this video.
TOP TIP: If your toddler is about to experience a significant change in their life do your best to prepare them by talking to them about what is going to happen. Provide lots of love and support and use books to support their coping with the change whatever that might be.
Is Toddler Separation Anxiety Normal?
In an article published by the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, Katie K. Lockwood, MD, MEd states: “Separation anxiety in babies between 9 and 18 months of age is very normal, and typically fades over time.”
Making us believe that separation anxiety in older toddlers is not good.
However, in the same article, psychologist Billie S. Schwartz, PhD, adds: “[Separation anxiety] is a very important developmental milestone and completely healthy. They’ve formed an attachment to you and miss you.”
To which I fully agree.
Toddler separation anxiety is normal.
And from my experience as a nanny for over 40 years, most children will grow out of their separation anxiety by the age of 3. Or when they are ready for preschool.
However, about 3% of children will continue to experience separation anxiety until they go to elementary school.
REMEMBER: Most of the time, separation anxiety in toddlers is not something to be worried about. However, if you are concerned the behavior is not improving or if your toddler’s anxiety is having a significant impact on your family, I recommend speaking to your pediatrician or a child psychologist to help you find a solution.
Signs Of Toddler Anxiety At Night
So how do toddlers express their separation anxiety?
- Often, your toddler will display an intense attachment to you.
- Your toddler may cry, be clingy, or be overly fearful.
- Nighttime tantrums and prolonged bedtime screaming that disrupt your household are also a signal that your toddler is struggling with separation anxiety.
However, no matter what the cause it is crucial to differentiate between typical and excessive symptoms of separation anxiety.
Mild clinginess or worrying about being away from you is very normal for toddlers.
However, when these behaviors escalate and significantly interfere with their daily life or sleep patterns it may indicate a more severe anxiety disorder that needs immediate action.
Looking to get your little one to sleep quickly and effortlessly? Check out my Bedtime and Nap Cheat Sheet and master the art of making daytime naps and bedtimes as seamless as possible.
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How To Tackle Toddler Separation Anxiety At Night
Soothing your toddler’s separation anxiety, especially when it occurs at night, comes down to making your toddler feel safe, secure, and loved.
The good news is that there are lots of things you can do during the day that will help with your toddler’s separation anxiety at night.
- Gradually increase the time spent apart from your child during the day to build independence. This can be done by encouraging them to spend time playing alone but safely at home or by leaving them for short periods with a close friend or family member while you go out.
- Establish a consistent bedtime routine to provide your child with predictability and a sense of security. A regular bedtime routine which includes a warm bath, reading a book, and a cuddle before bed can all help in making it easier for them to settle. Take a look at this post to help you create the perfect bedtime routine to settle your little one.
- Provide comfort items such as a blanket or stuffed animal for your child to cuddle with at night. Also, consider using a night light to provide comfort during the night. This is especially helpful if your toddler is scared of monsters, has nightmares, or is scared of the dark.
- Reassure your child by offering words of encouragement and affirmation before kissing them good night. Try the “I’ll be back” toddler sleep training method.
- Try playing an audiobook to keep your little one company as they fall asleep. My son loved listening to audiobooks and they worked brilliantly to maintain a consistent sleep environment when we went on holiday, stayed with grandparents, and moved country.
- Maintain a consistent sleep schedule to ensure your toddler gets enough rest and doesn’t go to bed under-tired or overtired. To ensure your toddler is following an age-appropriate sleep schedule, read these posts: The Perfect Sleep Schedules.
- Don’t criticize or belittle your toddler by saying things like “Don’t be silly” or “There is nothing to be afraid of”. To your child, their fears and worries are very real. And parental support is one of the best ways to alleviate toddler separation anxiety at night.
- Try to avoid reinforcing unwanted behavior. Try your best to avoid letting your little one lie with you until they fall asleep or allowing them to keep getting out of bed as these will be hard habits to break. Rather be patient and supportive during this time and appreciate that it may take some time for the separation anxiety to pass.
- Read age-appropriate books about separation anxiety and fear of the dark. Of course, it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t mention reading books! My favorite books available to help alleviate nighttime separation anxiety include:
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Best Book For Separation Anxiety
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Best Fear Of The Dark Book
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Best Fear Of The Dark Book For Young Toddlers
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The Invisible String is a heartwarming and comforting book that helps children understand that even when loved ones are far away, they are still connected by an invisible string of love. I love this concept as it's exactly what I taught my son when we moved to the UK from South Africa. With its gentle message of love and connection, this beautifully illustrated book is perfect for children who may be struggling with separation anxiety or missing someone special. |
Join Orion on an imaginative adventure through the world of the dark! In this beautifully illustrated children's book, author Emma Yarlett explores the concept of fear and how we can overcome it. Follow Orion as he learns to face his fears and discovers the magic and wonder that can be found in the dark. With engaging storytelling and stunning illustrations, "Orion and the Dark" is a must-read for children and parents alike. |
Tiny T-Rex and the Very Dark Dark is a delightful and relatable book that helps children overcome their fear of the dark. Through the lovable character of Tiny T-Rex, children will learn that even the bravest of us can feel scared sometimes and that it's okay to ask for help! With its charming illustrations and empowering message, Tiny T-Rex and the Very Dark Dark is a must-read for any toddler who needs a little extra courage at bedtime. |
The Invisible String is a heartwarming and comforting book that helps children understand that even when loved ones are far away, they are still connected by an invisible string of love. I love this concept as it's exactly what I taught my son when we moved to the UK from South Africa. With its gentle message of love and connection, this beautifully illustrated book is perfect for children who may be struggling with separation anxiety or missing someone special.
Join Orion on an imaginative adventure through the world of the dark! In this beautifully illustrated children's book, author Emma Yarlett explores the concept of fear and how we can overcome it. Follow Orion as he learns to face his fears and discovers the magic and wonder that can be found in the dark. With engaging storytelling and stunning illustrations, "Orion and the Dark" is a must-read for children and parents alike.
Tiny T-Rex and the Very Dark Dark is a delightful and relatable book that helps children overcome their fear of the dark. Through the lovable character of Tiny T-Rex, children will learn that even the bravest of us can feel scared sometimes and that it's okay to ask for help! With its charming illustrations and empowering message, Tiny T-Rex and the Very Dark Dark is a must-read for any toddler who needs a little extra courage at bedtime.
TOP TIP: Never sneak away when you leave your little one. Having your toddler practice saying goodbye to you can help them separate more easily at bedtime. Settle your toddler into a routine that they love before you leave and make your goodbyes swift and happy.
When To Seek Help For Separation Anxiety In Toddlers
I would recommend that you seek help and consult a pediatrician or mental health professional if your toddler’s separation anxiety:
- Has gone on for more than 4 weeks
- Is significantly worse than what children of a similar age experience
- Interferes with your family’s life substantially.
From there, medical professionals can then provide you with guidance and strategies to address your toddler’s separation anxiety. With the right support, you can ease their fears and promote healthy emotional development.
Frequently Asked Questions About Toddler Separation Anxiety At Night
Looking for more information about toddler separation anxiety at night? Here are the most frequently asked questions, answered just for you.
Q: How can I ease my child’s bedtime separation anxiety?
A: To minimize bedtime separation anxiety, establish a comforting routine and provide reassurance. Use books to help with your toddler’s anxiety such as ones about a fear of the dark. Using a nightlight and audiobooks to create a cozy sleep environment.
Q: How long does night separation anxiety usually last?
A: Nighttime separation anxiety typically lasts a few weeks to months. However, if your toddler’s separation anxiety is escalating and not reducing after 4 weeks, I would suggest seeking medical advice to rule out any underlying issues.
Q: At what age do toddlers typically experience separation anxiety during sleep?
A: Toddler separation anxiety during sleep commonly appears between 9 to 18 months of age. However, separation anxiety can occur at any time during the toddler and pre-school years due to any of the triggers I mentioned above.
Q: How can I establish a bedtime routine to reduce separation anxiety?
A: The best bedtime routine is a consistent bedtime routine. Start with a calm evening followed by bath time, getting dressed, reading a book, having cuddles, and saying goodnight. Put your toddler to bed at the same time every night and ensure your toddler knows that bedtime means bedtime.
Q: How do I get a clingy toddler to sleep alone?
A: Breaking the habit of a clingy toddler sleeping with you can be hard. To get a clingy toddler to sleep alone, gradually withdraw your presence by using transitional objects and encouraging self-soothing habits. Take a look at this blog for more help in helping your toddler sleep alone and overcome separation anxiety at night.
Need More Parenting Help?
- Download our FREE Perfect Sleep Cheat Sheet. It’s a free, easy-to-use and proven formula designed for parents of 0-5 year olds to master the art of consistently undisturbed and restful sleep without the yelling, nagging or exhausting long-winded evenings.
- Check out our Parenting Toolbox. You’ll get access to expertly-chosen products that you can guarantee are the best for your little one and your wallet.
- Ready to create the calm, peaceful evenings you deserve? Then checkout our most popular course - The Bedtime Battles Masterclass
A bedtime & nap cheat sheet so good your little one will ask you to put them to bed...
Laura Williams "This is a life saver! I'm so glad I downloaded your bedtime & nap cheat sheet. My little one actually asked me to put him to bed last night! Unbelievable! Thank you so much!"
Click Here For The FREE Cheat Sheet
