By Paula McLaren BA (Hons) Early Years Development & Learning •
Updated: 03/21/23 •
Tantrums in 5 year olds can be very stressful for parents… Especially when they happen in public. So how can we handle these tantrums to diffuse the situation and what can we do to stop them from happening again?
What Is A 5 Year Old Tantrum?
A 5 year old tantrum is an eruption of emotion born out of frustration for not getting what they want, stress, anger, hunger and tiredness. They can result in your 5 year old kicking, screaming, hitting and biting to let their frustrations out to try and get your attention.
Are 5 Year Old Tantrums Normal?
Yes, 5 year old tantrums are normal.
While tantrums are more common in younger children who do not yet have the communication and emotional skills to explain what they want… It is not uncommon for 5 year olds to throw tantrums from time to time.
Causes Of 5 Year Old Tantrums?
Most 5 year old tantrums will be caused by:
- Tiredness
- Hunger
- Overstimulation
- Not feeling heard
- Anxiety
- Or not getting their own way...
REMEMBER: Some children throw tantrums because they have worked in the past to get what they want. So your 5 year old is now choosing to throw a tantrum in order to get a certain reaction from you.
Think overtiredness is triggering your 5 year old’s tantrums? Check out my Bedtime and Nap Cheat Sheet and master the art of making daytime naps and bedtimes as seamless as possible and say bye-bye to tantrum triggers for good.
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How To Handle Tantrums In 5 Year Olds Anywhere
Dealing with tantrums is never easy and dealing with 5 year old tantrums can be even trickier depending on their source...
But, here is a list of things you can do during a tantrum to help your little one cope with their intense emotions:
1. Stay Calm
As hard as it can be to do, when your child is in a full-blown tantrum you have to do the opposite.
By taking a deep breath and staying extremely calm, you are modelling to your child a calm, unwavering, safe space to return to.
2. Acknowledge Their Frustration Or Anger
Tantrums can occur when your child feels ignored or unheard.
Therefore, you should acknowledge that you understand their feelings of anger or frustration and that when they calm down, you can talk about it together.
3. Talk In A Slow Voice Or Not At All
Tantrums in 5 year olds often happen when your child wants a reaction from you. So, sometimes it is best not to say anything at all when a tantrum is happening.
But if you do have to talk them through a process or acknowledge their emotions… speak in a slow, confident and neutral voice.
4. Move Your Child To A Safe Place, If You Can
If your child is thrashing about, trying to throw things and hitting nearby objects, then move them to a safe place, if you can.
This can also help to stop a tantrum as you may be removing them from a triggering environment.
5. Remove The Audience, If You Can
It is natural to feel embarrassed if your child kicks off in public... But remember, your child throwing a tantrum is NOT a sign of you being a bad parent.
And by moving to a more private location you can concentrate on dealing with the tantrum without worrying about what others are thinking.
6. Wait It Out And Have A Chat
Finally, you will just have to see the tantrum through.
You cannot do anything constructive whilst the tantrum is in full swing and if you rush it, your child will not learn how to handle these emotions in the future.
So, regardless of what is happening, slow down and wait for the tantrum to end.
Once it is over, you can then have a conversation with your 5 year old about their tantrum and educate them about a more appropriate way to express their emotions.
REMEMBER: Being 10 minutes late is not the end of the world, but teaching your child about emotions and tantrums will certainly be worth every second.
3 Things You Should NEVER Do When Your Child Is Having A Tantrum
So, it’s all good knowing what to do when 5 year old tantrums are happening…
But what are the key things that you must NEVER do when your child is throwing a tantrum?
- Don’t raise your voice. Raising your voice will just escalate the situation. As hard as it may seem, try to stay calm and collected during your 5 year old’s tantrums.
- Don’t give in. If your child is throwing a tantrum because you have said ‘no’ to something they wanted… do not be tempted to go back on your word. Once you give in to your 5 year old’s demands, they will continue to throw tantrums to get their own way in the future.
- Don’t try bribing or negotiating. Bribing a tantrum throwing 5 year old results in giving the unwanted behaviour a reward and the power to manipulate the situation. Children are very clever and just like giving in, negotiating, begging and bribing… your child will throw more tantrums to get what they want in the future.
PS: Here’s a quick video to help you deal with your 5 year old tantrums from Jordan Peterson that will also help you understand that you’re not going through this journey alone.
How To Prevent Tantrums In 5 Year Olds From Happening
As well as the above actions being useful for handling a 5 year old tantrum when it’s happening…
These are my top tips to prevent these tantrums from even getting going:
1. Create A Calm Down Corner For Your 5 Year Old To Retreat To
Having a designated calm down corner for your child to retreat to when they are feeling angry or frustrated can really help to divert tantrums in 5 year olds.
Making the calm down corner as cosy as possible with a tent and lots of cushions will help your child to feel safe in a neutral environment where you can then go and encourage them to talk about how they are feeling in a non-intimidating place.
2. Practise Teddy Bear Deep Breathing
Deep breathing is a great way to calm down but is not always easy to teach to a young child.
Therefore, teddy bear breathing is a fun way for your child to learn this useful skill.
Balance a teddy bear on their tummy and give it a ride with the rising and falling of their breath. It is a great idea to make this part of the bedtime routine when you are lying down and want to calm down for the evening.
3. Utilise Emotional Development Toys
Using emotional developmental toys such as the Little Spot Range of emotional toys can encourage your children to talk about their feelings and emotions in a healthy way.
They are especially useful after an outburst when you are trying to talk about how they were feeling before and during the tantrum and what triggered it.
4. Utilise Emotional Flashcards
Emotional flashcards are also a great way to get your children to talk about their feelings. Similar to the emotional plush toys, these flashcards are great to use when you are out and about and you can sense a tantrum is about to happen.
5. Lead By Example
Teaching your child good listening skills by leading by example and listening to what they have to say, can also go a long way in avoiding unnecessary tantrums as your child will feel heard and acknowledged.
6. Talk Openly About Emotions And Feelings
In general, is very important for your 5 year old to understand emotions and feelings as they may be struggling to deal with them!
So as well as using the flashcards and emotional toys, regularly explain to your 5 year old that having these emotions is not a bad thing, but that they must be expressed in an acceptable manner.
7. Praise Your Child When They Manage Their Emotions Appropriately
Praising your child when they manage their anger or frustration in a positive and acceptable way will reinforce positive behaviour and help to reduce tantrums in the future.
8. Give Your Child A Voice And An Explanation
5 year olds are typically trying to find out how their feelings and the world works around them and as a result, they will appreciate the opportunity to ask you questions and get explanations from you.
Again, by being present and taking the time to explain a situation thoroughly, your child will feel heard and will be less likely to throw a tantrum out of frustration and misunderstanding.
9. Remain Empathetic
I know I mentioned this when your 5 year old is having a tantrum, however, it is equally as important to remain empathetic to your child’s emotions when they are not having a tantrum too.
Acknowledging that you understand how or why they are feeling the way they do in any situation will help them to know you care for them all the time and will ensure they feel heard if they do happen to have a tantrum.
REMEMBER: Knowing how to predict tantrums in 5 year olds is just as important as knowing how to deal with them. So encouraging your child to talk about their feelings and use words rather than using physical outbursts to express themselves is key to preventing tantrums.
What Is The Difference Between A Tantrum And A Meltdown?
The main difference between meltdowns and tantrums in 5 year olds is that:
- A tantrum is a result of frustration or anger,
- And a meltdown is a result of emotional or sensory overload.
Therefore, during a tantrum, your child will still have some element of control over their behaviour and the tantrum will usually end once they have got what they want.
But with an emotional meltdown, your child will struggle to calm down and will only do so once they have been removed from the situation that caused the meltdown in the first place.
However, some tantrums can turn into meltdowns if they go on for a long time…
Characteristics Of A Tantrum:
- Tantrums are goal-driven
- Your child will remain partially verbal and communicative
- They are a normal reaction to feeling frustrated, angry or not getting their own way
- They are driven by a desire for attention or a result of not being able to fully communicate what your child wants
- They remain under the child’s control
- Children will watch to see what your reaction is
- Children will yell but be able to negotiate
- Stop once your child’s goal has been achieved
- Your child can recover quickly once the tantrum is over
Characteristics Of A Meltdown:
- Children are less verbal and communicative
- Meltdowns are an instinctive reaction to feeling overwhelmed or being unable to handle strong emotions such as fear, anxiety or sensory overload
- They are out of a child’s control or ability to reason
- They are usually long-lasting
- Meltdowns are often something children will not grow out of
- Children will not be able to process what is going on around them
- Children will not be able to negotiate with you
- They will struggle to calm down
- Children will often become withdrawn after a meltdown has ended
If you suspect that your 5 year old is experiencing meltdowns instead of tantrums, click here to get specific advice on how to handle emotional meltdowns in children.
When To Seek Help For 5 Year Old Tantrums
In some cases, temper tantrums in the 5 year olds can be an indication of an underlying condition linked to the child not being able to process emotions effectively.
If you notice any of the following signs, then I would advise having a chat with a medical professional to see if an emotional assessment would be useful:
- Tantrums are happening more often, are getting worse and last longer.
- If your child struggles to calm down after an outburst
- Your child tries to hurt himself or others.
- Your child always opposes you, argues a lot and hardly ever cooperates with you.
5 Year Old Tantrums Summary
Dealing with tantrums is never easy…
But at 5 years old your child is capable of learning how to handle their emotions and communicating how they feel helping to reduce the chances of tantrums in 5 year olds from happening in the future.
Remember to:
- Make sure your child has the tools they need to express their emotions in an acceptable way
- Continue to model good listening skills
- Stay calm during a tantrum
- Acknowledge their feelings
- Encourage your 5 year old to talk about their feelings and emotions,
- Use appropriate emotional developmental toys and life skills, such as deep breathing and moving to a safe calm space when it all gets too much to help your child manage their emotions
- Reassure them that these emotions are OK to have, but teach them how to appropriately express them.
Finally, try to stay one step ahead, be empathetic to your 5 year old issues, and remember to stand firm if you have said ‘no’ to something and your child starts having a tantrum to try and get what they want!
Further Reading
- 2 Year Old Tantrums
- 3 Year Old Tantrums
- 4 Year Old Tantrums
- 5 Year Old Tantrums
Need More Parenting Help?
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A bedtime & nap cheat sheet so good your little one will ask you to put them to bed...
Laura Williams "This is a life saver! I'm so glad I downloaded your bedtime & nap cheat sheet. My little one actually asked me to put him to bed last night! Unbelievable! Thank you so much!"
