Co-Sleeping With Toddler: The HONEST Pros And Cons

Co-sleeping is a very divisive subject and refers to the practice of parents and children sleeping close to each other often in the same sleep space.

The co-sleeping I will be referring to today will discuss the pros and cons of sleeping in the same bed as your toddler. So if you’re thinking about co-sleeping or you’ve started the practice and want to learn more about co-sleeping with your toddler, you’re in the right place.

Ready to dive right in?

What Is Co-Sleeping?

Co-sleeping is a catch-all term used to define the practice of sharing a sleep space with your child. This includes sharing a room as well as a bed.

While sharing a room is commonplace and recommended from birth up until at least 6 months of age to greatly reduce the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome)… conflict and debates often come when parents choose to have their little ones sleep in the same bed as them, regardless of age.

Is Co-Sleeping Safe For Toddlers?

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) takes a strong stance against co-sleeping with children under age 1. But has no specific action for children over the age of 12 months.

Co-sleeping with toddlers can be safe if done correctly.

If you intend to co-sleep with a toddler under the age of two, be aware that they should not sleep on a pillow, so your bed should be free of pillows, heavy blankets, and other items that could pose suffocation risks.

This means that you will probably have to make adjustments to your normal sleeping environment to accommodate your toddler safely.

If you are considering co-sleeping with an older toddler, be sure they have enough space to move about and do not get trapped under a tight sheet or duvet.

NOTE: It’s important never to co-sleep if you have consumed alcohol, are under the influence of drugs, or if you smoke as this can greatly increase your child’s risk of suffocation.

Pros Of Co-Sleeping With Toddler

Positive Aspects Of Co Sleeping With A Toddler

Enhanced Bonding Experience. Co-sleeping can deepen the emotional bond between you and your toddler. Sharing a bed offers more opportunities for physical closeness like cuddling. This can lead to a stronger sense of security for your child.
Convenience For Breastfeeding. When your toddler is close by, you don’t need to get out of bed for night feedings. This can help both of you get more sleep.
Possible Better Sleep For Parents And Child. Some parents find they sleep better with their child nearby. Knowing your toddler is safe and sound can reduce parental anxiety. This peace of mind can lead to better sleep quality.
Routine And Consistency. Co-sleeping can help establish a consistent sleep routine. Bedtime routines can become more predictable with co-sleeping and children are more likely to settle more easily when their parents are close by. This consistency may make it easier to settle your toddler down to sleep.
Cultural Acceptance. Co-sleeping is customary in many cultures. It’s a common practice around the world and is seen as normal. Understanding this can help you feel less isolated or judged.
Emotional Development. Co-sleeping has been suggested to aid in emotional and cognitive growth as proximity to parents can provide toddlers with emotional comfort.

Cons of Co-Sleeping With Toddler

Challenges Of Co Sleeping With A Toddler

Sleep Deprivation: Sharing a bed with your toddler can disrupt your sleep. Children often fidget and move a lot during the night which can lead to frequent awakenings and less restful sleep for you.
Mental Health: Lack of sleep or child-free time can affect your mental health and possibly increase anxiety, and stress, even leading to depression. Prioritizing sleep should be on the top of your list and while lack of sleep and parenting in the early years goes hand in hand, giving yourself the best chance to sleep as much as possible should be a priority in the toddler years.
Relationship Strain: Co-sleeping can impact your relationship with your partner. Having a child in the bed may reduce intimacy which can create tension and stress in your relationship.
Safe Sleep Risks: It is well known that co-sleeping with toddler isn’t always the safest option. There is a risk of entrapment and suffocation. This is especially true with soft bedding or small sleeping spaces. Take this into consideration when you decide if your bed is suitable for a toddler to sleep in.
Difficulty to Switch to Own Bed: Transitioning your child to their own bed can be tricky at the best of times but if your toddler has been sleeping with you from birth they are going to find the transition even harder. Toddlers often struggle with change which can result in more sleepless nights for both of you.
Social Development Issues: Co-sleeping may impact your child’s social skills. They might have trouble with sleepovers with friends and family where they are required to sleep alone. They may also struggle with separation anxiety more than toddlers who are sleeping in their own beds or rooms.
What About Child Number 2? When a younger sibling comes along things can get quite complicated if you are co-sleeping with your toddler. Deciding as to how to manage this transition can be very complex and difficult for the whole family. The arrival of a new sibling is a big deal for a toddler and having to give up their place in your bed can be difficult.

NOTE: In doing my research for this post, I came across a website that I feel is a great resource should you decide or be thinking of co-sleeping with toddler: https://cosleepy.com/

How To Stop Co-Sleeping With Toddler

As with any transition, change is hard for a toddler, and stopping co-sleeping is no exception.

So how do you go about moving your toddler out of your bed and into their own bedroom?

Night Wean. You will find transitioning away from co-sleeping much easier if you have night-weaned your little one first. Read my post on how to gently night-wean a toddler to learn more.
Get Them Involved. Let your toddler help choose the bedding for their new sleep space and encourage them to put their soft toys to sleep in their new bed before you put them to sleep. It is important to make this a positive experience. Bear in mind that most toddlers who have co-slept will not want to go into a crib so you will have more success if you move them straight into their own bed.
Start With Their Bed In Your Room. If you can, bring your toddler’s crib or bed into your bedroom. This way, your child gets used to sleeping in the new bed but in a familiar setting. After some time, move the bed to your toddler’s room to continue the transition.
Get Your Toddler To Take Naps In Their Own Bed. Encourage your toddler to take daytime naps in their crib or bed before expecting them to sleep there all night.
Establish A New Bedtime Routine. Create a comforting bedtime routine that does not involve co-sleeping. Instead, focus on introducing calming activities like reading a book or singing a lullaby together in their new sleep space. Consistency is key and helps signal to your toddler that it’s time to sleep in their new bed… not yours!
Gradually Increase Their Independence. Allow your toddler to take small steps toward independence. This may mean staying with them whilst they fall asleep and gradually moving away from the crib night after night – a similar tactic to the Gradual Retreat gentle sleep training method. Offer lots of praise and comfort when they sleep in their own space.
Comforting Without Co-Sleeping. Once you have decided to stop co-sleeping with toddler it is very important that if your toddler wakes up and needs comfort, you avoid bringing them into your bed. Try to use alternative methods like soothing them while they are in their own crib or bed with a handhold or tummy rub. This reinforces that their bed is a safe place to sleep.
Introduce A Sleep Schedule. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule for your toddler. Regular sleep and wake times help regulate their body clock and improve sleep quality. I cannot emphasize enough how sleep predictability can make the transition away from co-sleeping so much smoother.
Address Possible Tantrums. Be prepared that your toddler might have tantrums during the co-sleeping transition. This is perfectly normal. But you must stay calm and patient, offering reassurance as needed. Do not give in and return to co-sleeping. Instead, establish a gentle sleep training method such as the gradual retreat or “I’ll be back” method to help your toddler transition to falling asleep alone.
Offer Other Means Of Sleep Support. Using a white noise machine or audiobooks can also help your toddler settle without your presence. I love audiobooks for toddlers as they can help to occupy your toddler’s mind and prevent them from wanting your company whilst they fall asleep.
Use Books! I am also a great fan of using books to help toddlers with difficult situations and deciding to stop co-sleeping is no exception! Reading books with your toddler about moving away from co-sleeping, can promote conversations and help your toddler understand the process. Here are a couple of my favorites.

Suitable For 2-4 Year Olds	Suitable For 1-4 Year Olds
In My Own Bed (Tricky Topics)	I Sleep in a Big Bed! By Maria van Lieshout
Primary Rating: 5.0	Primary Rating: 5.0
Description: Part of the Tricky Topics series, this delightful book by Mij Kelly offers a heartwarming story and vibrant illustrations to make bedtime a fun and positive experience. It gently addresses common bedtime fears and encourages independence, making it an essential tool for parents to guide their little ones towards sleeping in their own bed.	Description: This charming and beautifully illustrated book is the perfect bedtime story to encourage your toddler to embrace their new sleeping space. With engaging visuals and a relatable storyline, it empowers young children to feel confident and excited about sleeping in their own bed. Ideal for parents looking to create a positive and reassuring environment for this important milestone.
Buy Now	Buy Now

Suitable For 2-4 Year Olds

In My Own Bed (Tricky Topics)

Primary Rating:

5.0

Description:

Part of the Tricky Topics series, this delightful book by Mij Kelly offers a heartwarming story and vibrant illustrations to make bedtime a fun and positive experience. It gently addresses common bedtime fears and encourages independence, making it an essential tool for parents to guide their little ones towards sleeping in their own bed.

Buy Now

Suitable For 1-4 Year Olds

I Sleep in a Big Bed! By Maria van Lieshout

Primary Rating:

5.0

Description:

This charming and beautifully illustrated book is the perfect bedtime story to encourage your toddler to embrace their new sleeping space. With engaging visuals and a relatable storyline, it empowers young children to feel confident and excited about sleeping in their own bed. Ideal for parents looking to create a positive and reassuring environment for this important milestone.

Buy Now

NOTE: Talk to a pediatrician or sleep consultant if you face significant challenges. Professional advice can provide tailored strategies to fit your toddler’s needs. They can offer additional methods to improve sleep quality and independence too.

My Professional Opinion About Co-Sleeping With Toddler

While I agree with room sharing for the first 6 months, I am not in favor of regular co-sleeping for children of any age.

Primarily this is because I consider it an unsafe practice but also because co-sleeping makes it more difficult for toddlers to transition to their own bed and room when that time comes around.

Getting our children to fall asleep independently is a difficult task as it is… without the added pressure of extracting your toddler from your bed first.

While it may seem like the easiest and the best bonding choice in the early days I can almost guarantee that most children and parents will end up sleeping less well if they co-sleep for too long.

Always bear in mind that at some point your toddler will have to move out of your bed and the longer you leave it the harder it will be unless you are going to wait until they are very much older. I have known children to co-sleep until the age of 10 years old.

You should also consider what you are going to do when a new sibling comes along and how they might feel about being moved out to make space for the new arrival…

This is a big challenge under normal circumstances but can be even harder for a toddler who has been sharing a bed with their parents.

I have two exceptions to what I’ve outlined above, however:

If your toddler is sick and you want to keep an eye on them for a night or two. However, as soon as they are feeling better, you should return to your previous sleeping arrangements.
If you are a single parent and you are happy to share your bed with your toddler for a committed length of time. If this is the case then it can be very comforting for you both.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Co-Sleeping With Toddler

Learn more about co-sleeping with your toddler, including timing, effects, and benefits.

Q: What age should you stop sleeping with your toddler?

A: You might consider transitioning your toddler to their own bed around age 3 or 4. Children may develop independence and better sleep habits. It’s important to follow your child’s readiness and family needs.

Q: Should a 2-year-old sleep in a parent’s bed?

A: Sleeping with your 2-year-old can be safe if basic guidelines are followed. Remember, children under 2 should not sleep with a pillow so ensure their safety by using a firm mattress and keeping pillows and blankets away. This may mean adjusting your sleeping arrangements.

Q: How could co-sleeping affect the long-term development of a child?

A: Long-term co-sleeping effects vary by child and environment. Some toddlers may struggle with independence or the ability to sleep alone later in life. On the other hand, co-sleeping can strengthen family bonds and emotional security for toddlers. Sadly, there is no conclusive way to determine how co-sleeping will affect your toddler before you try it.

Q: What are some common challenges parents face when co-sleeping with toddler?

A: When co-sleeping a toddler, parents may face disrupted sleep due to their child’s movements or noise. It’s possible to encounter difficulty weaning off co-sleeping too.

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Paula McLaren is the founder of Teething to Tantrums and a highly qualified childcare expert with over 40 years of experience as a Norland Nanny. She holds a BA (Hons) in Early Years Development & Learning (0-6 Years) and the prestigious Norland Diploma. Paula has worked as a night nanny, run a successful daycare center in London, and helped raise countless children using her tried and tested developmental and guidance methods.